1. |
oxytocin drunk
02:00
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|
i like to be ignored
it makes me feel alive
it reminds me of the agony
of being 25
it's a marginal incision
i pop pimples in the kitchen
watching "tokyo drift"
on a plasma television
i slap into a lake
make a crater, start to bake
twitch and burn, edge and squirm
bones snap, my vision blurs
then i woke up
in sears roebuck
reborn in a maytag
while you drift and pluck
at my facial hair
follicle by follicle
laser hair removal
makes me feel phenomenal
i like to be ignored
it makes me feel alive
it reminds me of the agony
of being 25
do i look like a fool?
grappling with mortality
sifting through my nonbinary skull for some staggering
judgment from above
when i'm feeling unloved
i audit all the traits every stranger recoils from
the kids these days
play music with their eyes
they've never seen the fade
when their tamagotchi dies
i don't know anyone, no one knows me
but i love myself
my unknown identity
i like to be ignored
it makes me feel alive
it reminds me of the agony
of being 25
i like feeling smushed
while oxytocin drunk
metabolizing feels
chunk by chunk by chunk by chunk by chunk
|
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2. |
tomboy femme
02:57
|
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|
it's princess di season
and i'm freaking out
so anxious for attachment
that i can't leave the house
my face stuffed with scruff
i mush it into my bones
my pores aren't big enough
wish this was my home
me and my dog
and the dirt and the leaves
there's no dysphoria
this deep in the trees
went night bathing at esalen
cracked my skull the first time
made out with a friend in oakland
cracked open like an egg the second time
i did shrooms at the met
my skull barely survived
now i'm patterning new fractures
like a fractal beehive
felt angst in flatland
like when i was a kid
never drained from my brain
no matter what i did
i rented cars, drove across tundras
blasted third eye blind, "jumper"
now i'm in a simulation
of every thought i've ever had
about our situation
it's princess di season
and i'm moving on
peace signs out the window
abdicate with a full heart
|
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3. |
crying in k-mart
03:31
|
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|
i burrowed deep
into the walls
amid the nails and dust because
i didn't want to leave
i flew to detroit
i didn't know why
"close to me" in the freezer aisle
ashamed of my impatience
running in front of cars
psychopathically
on the 101
in a sauna fog
dwight yoakum
i'm lost
|
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4. |
subcision scars
02:52
|
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|
young and depressive
eating pancakes, obsessive
stayed up watching cruel intentions
anxious for attention
we handed out the daily news on roosevelt island
took teenage airplanes, emotional riots
dyed my hair red like yosemite sam
got a neck tattoo of a pentagram
manic, spiraling, i made myself sick
in a windowless room in y2k bushwick
destroying fridges and laughing a lot
boiling salt in my roommates' pots
when we drift
will this still exist?
i don't know
but i think so
cinnabons and fake champagne
atlantic ocean frigid waves
salt water in our eyes, out of our ears
terminal 5, happy new year
i don't know why, but i need your approval
i don't know why, but it feels crucial
to feeling at home in my body
limping along, pondering
is this my life?
subcision scars, dancing at bars,
audiobooks of young peoples' memoirs
when we drift
will this still exist?
i don't know
but i think so
|
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5. |
sinéad
02:38
|
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|
i woke up in a sweat
in a bungalow airbed
by the silver lake erewhon
it was 6 am
i had slept for about 90 minutes
was not feeling great
teeth chattering
telemedicine on the bus
skin soaked by sun
muscles spun undone
got in a rental car
it was a chevrolet traverse
went to santa monica
checked into a hotel
they didn't have a pool
and that was fine by me
pacing on pico
amid oblivious kids
families at mcdonald's
i went to eagle rock
confided in a friend
scrambled my location
taking on water
diodes on the beach
pores grazed by salt
my skin felt so soft
|
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applied communications Washington, D.C.
uncontrollable acne
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